Local Producer Overjoyed with New Computer: Claims Trackpad a Portal to Another Dimension

The Old Workhorse

Local music producer, Gary "Analog" Henderson, finally decided to retire his trusty 2006 laptop, affectionately nicknamed "The Teenager." as a nod to the fact that the laptop is of legal age. "I didn't think it was that slow. ," Gary insisted, "It cost like $3,000 when I bought it when I graduated from high school."

Gary had been using The Teenager for everything from editing video to ordering pizza, often complaining that it took so long to boot up, he'd aged a year by the time it finally loaded Final Cut Pro 7.

The Beast Arrives

Enter the new behemoth of a device, the 2024 MacBook Pro, which Gary has dubbed "The Beast." "This thing is incredible," he exclaimed, "It can render a video faster than I can say 'render a video'." Boasting specifications like a 16-core processor, 32GB of RAM, and a battery life longer than a Game of Thrones episode, The Beast is a far cry from The Dinosaur's humble origins.

"I can run 72 tracks simultaneously without it breaking a sweat," Gary marveled, "I didn't even know there were that many tracks until now!"

The Trackpad Dilemma

Despite his newfound speed, Gary is still grappling with the intricacies of the new trackpad. "It's like a portal to another dimension," he said, "I tried to scroll down and ended up zooming in so far I could see invidiual pixels."

The trackpad, which features advanced haptic feedback and more gestures than a Shakespearean actor, has left Gary in awe and slight confusion. "It keeps trying to suggest words for me," he noted, "I just hope it doesn't start suggesting career changes."

Conclusion

As Gary settles into his new digital reality, he remains optimistic. "Sure, it's faster and more efficient, but it's the little things that count," he said, patting The Dinosaur affectionately. "Like knowing where all the coffee stains are." He especially likes that he no longer has to plug his computer at all times. "Having a working battery is a really nice feature," he said.

For now, he's content with The Beast, even if it means occasionally teleporting into the unknown with a trackpad swipe. His advice for fellow producers stuck in the past? "Upgrade before your laptop turns into a museum piece."